One Too Many

Are you one of those people determined to take your groceries into the house in one trip no matter how unrealistic it might be?

I am, and it always ends up going something like this: I start stacking sacks all the way up my arms, somehow manage to close my trunk without dislocating my shoulder, get all the way to the door, try to open it telepathically, and eventually have to set down the milk in order to get into the house.

I'm always disappointed at the milk, as if it's the milks fault I still haven't figured out how much easier it would be to take two trips. The milk was just one too many.

My whole life I have been made to feel like the milk; as if it was my fault someone had their arms full with other obligations and had to acknowledge me too. I was made to feel like a burden if I acquired an expense, or an inconvenience if I required attention.

At the same time, these people who made me feel small were managing to lift others up.

I remember people I loved choosing other people over me.

I remember people I loved prioritizing other expenses over my needs.

I heard it all, saw it all, and remember it all too clearly.

In the same way that some grocery trips are smaller and I don't get annoyed at the milk, some seasons were better and I wasn't made to feel guilty for existing; so please don't pity me.

Still, many memories haunt me. Still, relationships remain broken. Still, I am made to feel like I am one too many for some people.

The difference is that now I know it's not my fault. I know that there's nothing I could have done differently. I know that even if some people don't choose me, don't love me, or don't want me, I have a Heavenly Father who does.

So if you've been made to feel like the milk, like you're one too many, like you're unworthy of love - I want you to know you are wrong.

We [humans] are imperfect; we all fall short of the glory of God. People will disappoint you, hurt you, and make you feel unworthy. I want you to know that you will never be too many for God. His arms are open wide ready to embrace you always.

XO

Janae