2D 2609 | Private

I turned my key in this week.  I placed it into a manila envelope and inter-office mailed it back to facilities.  I took myself off the list and slid the lever on the door to green one last time.

I no longer have access to the private room I’ve used three times a day, five days a week, for eight months.  

It’s bitter-sweet.  Turning in my key is a reminder that this stage in my son’s life is almost over.  I’m both excited and trying to slow it down all at once.  

The next woman who uses this key will be a new mama.  Maybe she’ll use it for a week, maybe for a year.  Maybe she will use the room to look through photos of her baby and cry, as I have done often.  Maybe she will think of it as a much-needed escape; a quiet place to herself.  

There’s no way to know.

What I do know with a fair amount of certainty is that she will walk into that room the same way I did eight months ago – intimidated and emotional (and hormonal).  

The room is not much bigger than a standard cubicle; there’s a desk, a chair, a spray bottle of cleaner, and some paper towels.  At first, it feels cold and foreign; it’s unfamiliar, but after a while it becomes the new norm.  There are encouraging notes, lactation recipes, and photos proudly posted on the walls.  

Like all things motherhood, there are no instructions.  No one walks you in, sits you down, and helps you through it.  You FIO (figure it out), and you will, mama.  You will figure it out.  

Without this room, and rooms like it, mamas would not have the option to work out of the home and exclusively breastfeed their babies.  Well, at least not discreetly, I suppose.  

The world would go on, certainly, because plenty of mamas never use these rooms at all and still raise perfectly-imperfect little humans.

It doesn’t matter how long you use it, mama. Don’t use the room at all if it’s not right for you.  Trust your gut and trust your body.  

A friend once said to me “they’re all going to grow up and eat chicken nuggets off the floor whether we like it or not,” which is both hilarious and accurate.  Embrace the chaos!

If you use the private room, if you choose to use it – take it all in.  Soak in every fleeting moment.  Look at the photos, try the recipes, encourage the other mamas with notes, and cry if you have to.  

When it comes time to give the key back, hold it in your hand for a moment.  Think of all the mamas who held it before you and all the mamas who will hold it after you and pray these words:

Lord, thank you! Thank you for giving me this body.  Thank you for blessing me with the ability to conceive and birth a child.  Thank you for this key, and this room, and the opportunities it provided my baby and me.  I ask you to bless the mamas who held this key before me and the mamas who will hold this key after me.  May they feel your presence always.  Help them come to know You better through the journey of motherhood.  It’s in Jesus’ name I pray – Amen!

This mama thing is tough.  It’s a full-time gig with terrible pay and no vacation time; but I know all mamas agree… It is SO worth it!

XO